Dating and Relationships: If You Want God's Best, Stop Settling For Less

"When you're desperate for love and not God, you end up getting into a relationship that stimulates your body and destroys your spirit. When you're desperate for Jesus, you find someone who pushes you to grow spiritually and will let you know they may be nice, but only God can satisfy."

-Tovares Grey @GodlyDating101

We're now living in a generation where being in a relationship is top priority on the list of life goals. We've all seen it. You stroll down your newsfeed and see several statuses about being single and lonely, wishing they were in a relationship or wondering where Mr./Mrs. Right is. You see people idolizing famous couples with the hopes of one day being in a relationship just like theirs. You watch others change their relationship statuses on Facebook every other month. It seems like everything is revolving around relationships these days. We usually define single as not being in a relationship, but we must remember that until you have signed an approved marriage certificate, you are still classified as single, whether you are in a relationship or not.








Now myself, I have not been in a "formal" relationship since I was 19 years old (I know what you're thinking...8 years ago?!) So you know why I kind of scoff when I hear people say they are dying because they've been single for only a year. However, I have dated a few times since then but nothing serious. If there is anything that I did learn while dating was this:


You do not and I repeat DO NOT have to date everyone that shows an interest in you. This is the quickest way to disappointment, heartache, and having your time wasted. After dealing with a few heartbreaks, we're quick to say "well..there aren't any good men or women out there." But who told you that you had to try them all? You knew good and well from the start that this was not the type of person that you were going to one day marry. You're usually just dating them because you're feeling lonely inside. 




See I was that "try out" type of person where I figured everyone deserved a chance because I didn't like rejecting guys or either I was optimistic about their character. Surely I was wrong! I ended up finding out that these guys did not have my best interest at heart and they were a waste of my time. But can I completely blame them? No, because at some point, I knew their true character had been revealed to me but I still chose to stick around because I was feeling the "relationship void" in my heart.








Yes, the "relationship void". That's the emptiness you feel in your heart that has you longing for a relationship more than anything. You feel really lonely. You start complaining about being single and don't feel content about your life if you are not involved with someone. You'll accept anything just to say you have someone. You start compromising your beliefs and standards just so they will stick around or they will notice you. When you have this void in your heart, you start settling for less than what you deserve. You're making the road for the one God has for you to meet even longer because you decided to take some detours that you really didn't need to make along the way.







When Jesus is truly in your heart and the center of your joy, you won't need to fill those voids with anything else. The love that Jesus has for us will fill any void or emptiness you may be feeling in your heart. Each of us were born with a purpose that we are to fulfill. Everyone can't go where you are going and everyone isn't a good fit for your life. It's like trying to force a puzzle piece into a space where it doesn't fit. No matter how hard you try, it will NEVER fit or connect. They will end up becoming an distraction from what God has called you to do. That's why the bible says that we should be equally yoked.







2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV) says, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?"


It is VERY IMPORTANT that you are equally yoked. You have to be on the same page. The person you choose to date needs to be saved and have a TRUE relationship with Jesus. I'm not talking about one of those Christians that claim they go to church but still believe in conforming to the world's standards. I mean someone who is truly walking, talking, and breathing God's word daily. How will you know the difference? By the fruit they produce (Matt 7:18-20).






Galatians 5:22-23 (KJV) says, "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith (23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.




If the person you choose to become involved with is not equally yoked with you, the two of you won't be on the same page. You'll find yourself compromising your standards and values, rather than you influencing them. It is easier for them to pull you off of the chair than you pulling them onto the chair. I'm not saying that it's not possible that your partner can find salvation while you are in a relationship, because I've seen it happen. But it can sometimes be very difficult.





It is also very important that you are equally yoked in the religious sense. It's hard enough dating an unbeliever but what happens when you are dating someone who is of a different religion? Somewhere along the line either someone will have to end up converting or you will both just have separate religions. If there is one day a child involved, they will be split on what to believe. Say if you were planning a wedding, and you want to have it at a church but because of your partner's religion, they don't want to have it there. That cause a rift in your relationship. If that person doesn't respect you or your beliefs, then there will always be disagreements concerning religion. That can be a really sticky situation. So make sure that the person you choose to become involved have the same views you do concerning their faith.






I remember dating a guy that always used to question me about the bible and tell me that it was written wrong according to the history channel. He used to always either add or subtract something from the bible. He used to call my relationship with Christ, "your religion." I knew right then and there that we were unequally yoked and that eventually we would need to go our separate ways. As you all know, I have a ministry that teaches young girls and teens about living pure for God including abstaining from sex until marriage. Being well aware of my ministry, he didn't believe in that or even respected it. This period of dating was starting to become a distraction from what God has called me to do. The person that God has for you will truly love and honor Him, therefore, meaning that they will love and honor. 












As a single person, we have to use that time to truly understand who we are. We need to understand what our purpose is and gain a closer relationship with God. It is very important that your identity and standards are established before you start dating or enter into a relationship. If you don't, that person's standards will choose your identity for you. When you're truly walking in God's word and living your purpose, you just don't accept any and everything that comes your way. You start walking with discernment.

For example, just because I'm walking down the street and a dude yells "Aye shawty or Aye sexy" doesn't mean I'm going to giggle and walk their way. I have discernment that this person is not respectfully talking to me which displays the type of character they possess towards a woman. Now I'm not saying that I don't speak when I walk down the street but you have to understand that you have to come correct. I don't mind a "Hey, how are you today?"


We rush into these relationships, feeding our loneliness and then get upset when things go sour. Stop bending your standards just so you can have someone. Author and Pinky Promise CEO, Heather Lindsey, describes her standards as "deal breakers." These are standards that you will not break NO MATTER WHAT.

My top 5 are:

1.) He has to have a relationship with Jesus. I don't mean just going to church on Sunday, but daily living. (James 1:22-23)

2.) He has to respect my decision to wait until my wedding night until we engage in sex. If they are truly walking in God's word, then they will follow what God has said as well (I Corinth 7:1-2). I don't want the man that respects my decision but still chooses to watch pornography and masturbates. You're still giving into your flesh and we're not connecting on a spiritual or emotional level.  

3.) He has to care about other people. If he has no concern for others, this just shows me that God's love is not inside of him. Jesus says in John 13:34-35 says, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another, as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. (35) By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples (followers), if ye have love one to another."

4.) I don't want a man that I can run over. Been there, done that when it came to dating. I was always able to get my way and get whatever I wanted out of them. I want my future husband to be a leader. Sometimes, it is ok if they tell you no. As a wife, you are suppose to submit to you husband (Ephesians 5:22-24). I can't submit to someone who is not leading me.

5.) He has to have respect. There is nothing more that I can't stand is a man that has a disrespectful character. I won't even date a guy that has the b-word (female dog) in his vocabulary. I feel as if you can "indirectly" call a woman one, then you will eventually disrespect me by calling me one.

It's time to start dating with purpose and not dating just to date. What we want to strive for is courtship. Courting is defined as two equally yoked people, who have excluded themselves from the secular dating philosophy, who are working towards marriage. When you are courting, you are together for a purpose. There's accountability and standards. You are both walking in the will of God and are on the same page. You bring out the good in each other. They are you help meet.


Gen 2:18 (KJV) says, "And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."
Gen 2:21-23 (KJV) says, "And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; (22) And the rib, which the Lord God hath taken from man, made he woman, and brought her unto the man. (23) And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.


Dating is more like continuous "try outs" or "auditions" You don't have to try everyone out. Everyone who is interested isn't eligible. You want to court so you can build and develop with that person spiritually, mentally, emotionally. So ask yourself, Am I settling for less than I deserve? Am I just dating this person just to fill my loneliness or to say I have somebody? Do you just want to change your relationship status on Facebook? If the answers to these questions are yes, then you might have some reevaluating to do. When you understand how much you are worth, you stop giving people discounts. You won't keep settling. You are content with life and you trust God's timing for the one He has for you. God can't bring your one day spouse if that seat is always taken. Wait for God's best and stop wasting your time with people who you see no future with.


Acknowledge. Fix. Keep it Moving..

Discontentment: When Jesus Is Not Your Focus

         Lately, I found myself struggling with not being content in some areas in my life. I was becoming discouraged about my current situation and not really trusting God's timing for my future. I found myself on Facebook playing the "comparison game" with my life.  I started going down my newsfeed looking at all of the engagements and wedding announcements, new jobs, graduate and professional school journeys, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I was extremely happy for everyone but I started to feel a little inadequate because I haven't had a major change in my life. I was like well...Lord I've been single for 7 years and I honestly don't see that changing in the next year or so....uh marriage? Lord, people are taunting me about living by myself with 42 cats or living with my parents forever.  I was tired of dealing with my job and feeling like I didn't make enough money. My dream to go to school was deferred. I just really started to get down on myself and become really negative. Then on top of it, I found myself reading various blogs about "Where I Should Be by the Time I'm 30" and "What I Should Have By the Time I'm 30." (Mind you, I'm 27). I quickly started to focus on what I was lacking instead of what God has already blessed me with. I was like well...maybe I need to have it together before 30. I was filling my mind and heart with what OTHER people was saying I should have and what I should be doing by "their timing" instead of what GOD has already laid out in HIS TIMING.

Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) says, "Keep (Guard) your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

         You have to be careful what seeds you plant into your heart. If you're constantly on social media watching other people's lives and not trusting what God has for your life or reading blogs and listening to other people's input about your life, then you are planting seeds of discontentment into your heart which will sprout up negativity, sorrow, and jealousy. Your focus should be on Jesus and Jesus alone. I noticed that my focus had shifted to what other people were saying instead of the promises Jesus made to those who love Him and this happens with many of us. But do we really trust Him? Do we really trust when God said in Genesis 2:18 "It is not good that the man should be alone" or in Exodus 14:14, "He shall fight for you and ye shall hold your peace" or in Philippians 4:19 that "He shall supply all your needs according to the riches in glory" or in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness?"

We have to lean on these promises and understand that God is in control of everything...EVERYTHING. Not us. We may have plans for our life but God's purpose is what is going to prevail in the end. Nobody and I mean NOBODY can tell you about where and what you need to be doing in your life. He knows exactly what He is doing. The blueprint for your life has already been laid out.

Jeremiah 1:5 (KJV) says, "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee.."

God already knew what purpose and plans He had already laid out for you. He created you! So how dare we listen to someone's input or "list" about our lives? Jesus has to be the center point of our lives. When you put your trust in Him, everything else will fall exactly how it was predestined to fall into place.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (KJV) says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Our lives are divided into different seasons that we have to go through. Some seasons will be longer than others. Some seasons will be harder than others and some will be better than others. Through each season, we need to trust God and trust the process. We need to understand that everything is working together for our good. (Romans 8:28) God is using these seasons to prepare and condition you for what's next to come. God is not going to send you something or somewhere if He feels like you're ill prepared for. He will never send you something too soon. He will be right on time. That's why God has made everything beautiful in His timing (Eccl 3:11).  

So what do you need to do? Here are 5 Things You Need To Do To Get Your Focus Back on Jesus

(1) Be thankful! Instead of focusing on what everyone else has and what you do not have, focus on what God has already blessed you with. When Jesus is the center point of your life, you won't have time to compare because you are focused on Him and the purpose He has for you. You are exactly where you are suppose to be at this moment. I'm not saying you are going to be here forever but for this season, this is where you are suppose to be. God has you here for a reason. I've had people tell me that I should have it together by now. Wait...what? My life is not together on their standards. Let's see...I have my bachelor's degree, I have job, I have my own car meaning I pay my car note, pay the bills I do have, and file my taxes. I had someone in my past tell me that working at Wal-Mart was

not good enough. I had someone ask me why was I still living with my parents? Did these things stick with me? Yes. But I REFUSED to let them make me become ungrateful for where God has brought me. People say things without knowing your situation. I trust God. I trust that one day He will bless me financially enough to be able to fund me living on my own but until then, I'm content with where I am. I fought and prayed hard for where I am now. I came a loooooooong way and I had to go through a lot! I fought, prayed, and trusted to get my biology degree 4 years ago. I prayed and studied to become a CERTIFIED pharmacy technician. I prayed and searched for a job in a pharmacy until God opened the door. I've been a registered pharmacy technician since 2011 and I've been actively working in the field since 2012. I am aware of 200 different brand and generic medications (I can name at least 50-60 off of the top of my head and indications) and at least 50 over the counter medications. Plus, I created this blog where I'm spreading the gospel as well as encouraging others and a ministry that promotes purity for girls and teens. Shoot....that's good enough for me!

(2) Prayer works! You have to stay in constant prayer. Never stop. If we handled most of our situations with prayer instead of complaining, do you know what change you would start to see? Spend quiet time with the Lord each day and listen to what it is that He wants you to do.

(3) Transform your mind. The devil has a way to get in your head and have a field day. You have to change the way you think. Ask the Lord to remove anything that is not like Him. Remove the traits of discontentment, envy, impatience, sorrow, anger, etc. Ask him to loose patience, joy, contentment, and strengthen your faith. Trust God and acknowledge Him in everything that you do. What God does for one, He will do it for you too. Put your focus back on Jesus.

(4) Guard Your Heart (Prov 4:23) STOP listening to everything and everyone else about your life. Nobody can tell you what to do or where you need to be...not these blogs, not these talk shows, not your family, not your friends, not your co-workers, not your church members...nobody but God. Your life is already laid out. So be very careful what you let enter into your mind and heart because it can consume you in a very negative way. Plant the word in your heart and meditate on that. You will start to see your faith grow stronger.

(5) Trust God. Point. Period. Blank. I know it sounds easier than it is but this is a must. You have to know that God is leading your life and you have to LET HIM LEAD. You can't keep trying to grab the wheel from Him. He doesn't need your help or suggestions. You have to die to yourself everyday and humble yourself. Let God do what it is that He does.

Last night I told Jesus that I didn't care if He gave me a husband or not, or if He wanted me to stay where I was professionally, I told him that I trust Him and I only desired to serve Him. I only wanted to focus on Him. I knew that with Jesus at the center point of my life meant that I wanted whatever purpose He had for me and not what I had in mind. I would rather be characterized for being a servant of Jesus than by who I was married to, where I worked, where I lived, or how much money made. We should all at the end of this life want to hear the words "Well Done." As long as you are striving for that, then your life was together the whole time. So get your mindset back on track. Keep Jesus as the center of your focus and everything will fall into place exactly when it is suppose to. God's timing is beautiful. It's perfect and it's right on time.

(1) top left: high school, college, and pharmacy tech graduations

(2) top right: certified pharmacy technician for 2 1/2 years so far

(3) bottom left: I started a ministry in 2012 called "Princess Tea", a program that promotes purity for girls and teens and living a life holy for God

(4) bottom right: I put a slaying to a face! Freelance makeup artist 

God has graced me in several areas and I have every reason to be content and thankful because I wasn't always HERE. 

Acknowledge. Fix. Keep it Moving...

Reference Scriptures

Proverbs 3:4-5 (He will direct your paths)

I Corinth 2:9 (The things God has prepared for those who love him)

Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the thought I think towards you)

I Peter 5:6-7 (Humble yourselves)

Habakkuk 3:17-19 (Rejoice

Luke 17:6 (Faith like a mustard seed)

Matthew 6:33-34 (Seek first the Kingdom of God)

Matthew 7:7-8 (Ask and You Shall Receive)

Philippians 4:11-13 (Contentment)



Turn Down for What? Why I Chose Not To Club Anymore

NOW this post is not intended to judge or bash anyone who goes to the club. This is just my personal conviction as a Christian for why I stopped going. Yesterday, I attended the Magic City Classic in Birmingham, AL. (Alabama State alum..whoop whoop!) I mean this is the annual "turn up" weekend and it's a weekend that all students and alumni look forward to every year.

      Now back when I was college student, I looked forward to going to the classic, not for the game, but for the club. I loved a good party. That is one thing I can say I enjoyed doing during college (but I did have my work done). During the week of the classic, we would hit the mall and pick out the perfect dress. Then we would make sure that the hair and nails was done. All to impress other people of course. I would pick out the one party I wanted to attend and make sure the cover charge was cool or that tickets were purchased beforehand. Boom! We were set.

       This year was different for me. I was going to the classic solely for the purpose of tailgating and watching the game. I guess you can say some good ol' family fun. But what was it that got me to this point? Let's rewind to a few months back, around April-May. I was in a club called Harlem Nights celebrating an old friend's birthday. I wore a dress classier than what I usually wear to a club. I wasn't really feeling it that night though. I knew I was growing out of the club scene but it wasn't confirmed until later that night. When I tell you everything that could have went wrong did. First, the person I was with left which meant I had to drive home by myself at 2am. Then, I make it to the parking lot where I find my car with a boot on it. I call the number to the truck and it sends me to voicemail. Feeling abandoned, I start to feel panic in my heart. After 15 minutes, the tow truck is reached and I'm given the amount to pay but where's my debit card? Are you kidding me? It was a blessing to have my other friend there to pay. Thinking that this horrible night has ended, nope, it had just begun. My car starts to overheat and breakdown on the way home. Mind you, it's almost 4am. I stopped my car on the side of the road every 10 seconds to let it rest. The situation was starting to become dangerous because here I am, a female out at 4am by herself in a dress. Anything could have happened. I prayed for God to please let me get to the exit closest to my home and He did. The most difficult thing I had to do was call my parents to pick me up because I knew they would be disappointed in me and indeed I was right.


       The next morning, I did a lot of thinking. I wondered if going out that night was EVEN WORTH IT? Absolutely not! A lot of people were saying, "Girl, you just had a bad night" or "don't think too deep into it". No, that was more than a bad night. That was my conviction. See, God was trying to pull me away from the club scene for the longest but I knew I wasn't ready to do that. I was enjoying myself. So, He had to let me hit rock bottom. God had bigger plans for my life and I had to let some things go in order to fully step into my purpose. When God is ready to take you somewhere, you have to step out of some things. I remember standing in the middle of the dance floor at Harlem Nights and for the first time, just feeling like I didn't belong there. I couldn't for the life of me understand what was the point anymore. What am I really getting out of going to the club besides guys touching on you or trying to get your number for a one-night stand, second hand weed smoke infecting my lungs and becoming the new scent of my hair, loud music that keeps my ears ringing through the night, grinding and dancing promiscuously with different guys, getting so drunk where you can't remember the night, dodging a fight or possibly a bullet, or better yet hearing the DJ ask if your private parts are clean.

        As a Christian, I just feel there are some places where you shouldn't be and a nightclub is definitely one of those places. The club wasn't bringing me closer to God. It was planting seeds in my heart that it was ok to dress promiscuously, have a couple of drinks, grind on different guys, listen to certain types of music with lyrics that wasn't glorifying God, or better yet, conform to the world standards (I was convicted on music back in July).  I got tired off being the "turn up on Saturday, then worship on Sunday" type do girl. It didn't feel right. We are suppose to be ambassadors for Christ. So with that being said, are we representing God by going to these types of places? We as Christians have to be mindful of what we do. People are looking at us ESPECIALLY the unbelievers. The world doesn't need to read the bible when they can read Christians. They are trying to figure out what's so special about this thing called "Christianity." What's the difference? If you're not showing them a difference then you're killing your testimony. They're just going to be like "oh..well...if they do the same things that we do, then what's the point of getting saved or going to church?" We have to be very careful in our walk and lifestyle because someone somewhere is looking at you. We don't want to lose a soul that could have came to Christ but, all of a sudden, decided not to because we are killing our testimony.

I John 1:6 (KJV) says, "If we say that we have fellowship with him (GOD), and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth."

When I read that, it made me understand why I didn't have a desire to go to the club anymore. I didn't want to walk in darkness. God is light and there is no darkness in him. I didn't want to be associated with the sins that go on in the clubs. I knew that going to the club wasn't growing my relationship with Christ. In order for me to gain a closer relationship and step into my purpose, I had to leave it alone.

I John 2:15 (KJV) says, "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

Now this is not saying that we shouldn't love ALL of God's people. We are suppose to love everyone and bring them to Christ. This is simply saying that we should not love the sins that the world has to offer.

So people now wonder, how do I "turn up"? What do Christians do to have fun? Since I've stopped going to the club, I've learned that there are so many more activities that can be done and still I can enjoy myself:
1.) Visit a museum
2.) Go see a play production
3.) Grab a Redbox and have a night in with your friends
4.) Dinner parties
5.) Church events that are usually held on Friday and Saturday nights
6.) Try a Christian club (There's one in Jonesboro, GA called C-Note if you're in the ATL area)
7.) Movies
8.) Bowling
9.) Sporting event 
10.) Poetry Slam

This is my testimony of why I gave up the club. Something I loved doing so much, but found that there's a better way. Am I saying I'm better than anyone else? Absolutely not! I've been there but when you get sick and tired of the same thing and don't see any fruit producing, you start to change your ways. One thing I knew for sure....I was NOT going to find my future husband in the club. I'm praying that my testimony helps someone.

I WON'T GO BACK
2009

2012

Apr 2014

Harlem Nights: THE LAST TIME I STEPPED FOOT INSIDE OF A CLUB #glory 

Acknowledge. Fix. Keep it Moving...

So You Hate Your Job..

    

        Do you ever get up and just really dread going to work? Believe it or not, more than half of Americans wake up daily dreading to go to their jobs. They see it as a burden. But what is it that causes us to not to like going to work. Some say it is their managers and unfair treatment. Others will say it is trying to get along and work cohesively with their co-workers. Maybe it is the poor attitudes of the customers. Many say they just do not make enough to deal with the daily stress. Whatever the cause may be, it is putting a damper on the job that you PRAYED SO HARD TO GET. Yes, I said it.


       Think back to when you were unemployed and the application process you had to go through on a daily basis. Yes, that wasn't a fun time at all. You were going through a really dry season of empty pockets and no call backs. You stayed on your knees praying and crying out for God to bless you with a job. Finally, you receive a phone call about an interview. After the interview, you are hired for the position you have applied for. You immediately start thanking God and you are super excited. You start making promises that you will be so happy to go to work everyday and at any hours. I'm going to go above and beyond the tasks at hand. I'm going to give awesome customer service. I'm going to be on time. I mean everything you can think of.


        Now fast forward a couple of months. You start to hate the hours that you work. You're tired of the rude customers so you start lacking in customer service as well. You feel like you are being mistreated. You start to no longer care about your job and doing your best, so you usually don't show up on time. Better yet, you decide to call off several of times. You start writing negative Facebook statuses about how you hate your job and wish you had another one. You find yourself ALWAYS complaining about your job.


So where is that fire you had when you first got hired? You let all of the circumstances turn your attitude and way of thinking about the job that God has blessed you with. YES GOD BLESSED YOU WITH YOUR JOB. THE JOB YOU PRAYED SO HARD FOR. You cannot let the circumstances around you steal your joy. You being at the job you are at now is not a mistake. God has placed you exactly where He wants you. God has a purpose that He wants you to fulfill. So let's turn a negative unto a positive:


       It all starts with your thinking. We have to transform and renew our minds as mentioned in Ephesians 4:23. When you wake up in the morning, instead of holding on to that dreading attitude, wake up with gratitude for being able to be employed. There are so many people who are looking for a job. They are wishing they were in the position you were in. They are wishing they can have your income so they can be able to supply their everyday needs. Be grateful that you have a job. It doesn't matter what type of job you are working. You have some type of income that is coming to your pockets. Find the positive in every situation.


     We have to stop complaining! Complaining will put you in the most negative mood. You have a problem with everything...I MEAN EVERYTHING. You can't stand who you work with. You think you don't make enough money. You can't stand the work load. You can't stand the hours. I mean I could go on and on. Like I said before, put it in your mind to be grateful no matter what the circumstances are. You have to humble and die to yourselves daily (that means your feelings). God exalts those who are humble in His sight.
    Make your job your full time ministry. If you have to be at this job and you feel there is no escape (meaning you don't have a backup job), ask God what is your purpose while you are at this job. God gets the glory out of every aspect of our lives, so what makes us think He can't get the glory while we're on our jobs?
I work at a pharmacy so I like to find ways to encourage the customers and minister to them. Many of the customers come in sick and others may come in frustrated due to being in a hospital or doctor's office all day. Being at the drop-off window gives me a chance to talk to customers and encourage them with a word and let them know that everything is going to be ok or God is going to work their situation out. I even had to pray for one customer mid-way through taking her prescription. When I can make a customer's prescription cost cheaper than what it is, I praise God for it. It's times like these where I feel like my job is worth it and that God gets the glory through everything. The reason I decided to work in the heath alliance field was because I knew I would be able to help people. So I am doing the purpose that God wants me to do.



Now of course like everyone, I deal with difficult circumstances and situations that can easily pull anyone out of their character. Everyone deals with the stress of their workload, managers and co-workers, difficult customers, etc. How you choose to deal with these situations will determine your mood and attitude. I like to look at going to work from a different and bigger perspective.

Colossians 3:22-24 (KJV) says, "Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God; (23) And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily; as to the Lord, and not unto men; (24) Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

Work as if you are working for God. It changes things when you think of it that way.

Here are some ways to transform your mind at work

1.) Spend time with God each morning. Pray and meditate on scriptures related to your situation.
2.) Give thanks! Let God know that you are grateful for being employed despite your circumstances. Take a minute and remember how hard it was when you were unemployed and searching.
3.) Always have a song on your heart that ministers to you in a difficult time. I always find humming as a way to remain calm in a stressful situation.
4.) Keep your mind stayed Jesus. How can you step out of character when Jesus is on your mind?
5.) Know that God takes care of His children.
6.) Pray for others. Instead of talking about someone or speaking negativity against them, speak life into them. I find praying for others more fulfilling and it takes away the negativity that seeps into my mind or heart towards them.

So, in the morning, when you feel that dreading spirit come over you, SHUT IT DOWN! You have to understand that God works according to His timing. Life is divided into different seasons.

Eccles 3:1 (KJV) says, "To every thing there is a time to every purpose under the heaven".
Eccles 3:11 (KJV) says, "He hath made every thing beautiful in his time; also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from beginning to end."

Greater is coming! When God decides it is time for you to move on, He will do it in His timing. Be grateful where you are now. Running won't do any good. You are going to run into the same situations everywhere you go, maybe even worse. Then you'll regret leaving your current job. He has you exactly where He wants you to be for a certain purpose. Go to your job and work your very hardest without complaining. That is what is pleasing to God. He appreciates those who are grateful. So you hate your job? Change your mindset and I'm sure it won't seem that bad as you thought before.

Acknowledge. Fix. Keep it Moving...

 Reference Scriptures

Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans for you)
I Peter 5:6-7 (Humble yourselves)
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 (My grace is sufficient for thee)
Romans 12:14 (Pray for those who persecute you)
Romans 12:18 (Working with others)
Romans 12:21 (Be not overcome with evil, but good)
Philippians 4:19 (God shall supply all of your needs)
I Thessalonians 4:11 (Mind your business)
I Thessalonians 5:18 (Give thanks)
Psalm 37 (Evildoers can't get away with it)
Ephesians 6:5-9 (Work with fear for God)

But I Don't Feel Saved..

As a child, I never considered myself as a church girl. I didn't grow up in the church. I mean I went to different churches from time to time but it wasn't an every Sunday thing. My family was military so we moved around a lot. It wasn't until July 2004 that we decided to join a church and I received salvation at the age of 17. My family was stationed in Atlanta during the summer of 2002. It seemed like Georgia would be our permanent residence and it has. We have been living here for 12 years, the longest that I've ever lived anywhere.
During high school, I linked up with a friend and she invited us to attend her church one Sunday. I passed the message along to my parents and we were headed to church that following Sunday. That Sunday sparked us to attending more often until we decided to join the church in July of 2004. During the joining, me and my brother also decided to receive salvation. After we went to the altar, 2 of the associate ministers sat us down and talked to us about what is salvation and how to obtain it. The key point question was "Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins and rose in 3 days?" Of course I did! I may not have been raised in the church but I did know that much.

People, if you believe that, you are saved! You don't have to jump through any hoops. You don't have to recite anything, then spin around 3 times, then hop on one foot. The bible says in Romans 10:9 (KJV) "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

It's that easy? Yes it's that easy.

So, I'm a new creature in Christ but I didn't feel like it. I knew some type of change had come over me and my family as well. I knew I had everlasting life and I wasn't going to hell when I died. We starting going to church regularly as well as Sunday school and bible study. I joined the choir and started going to choir practice. Child, I was in church practically every day seems like it. Even though I had this new change over my life, I still found myself doing the same things I was doing before. Things got a little worse once I started attending college.

My college years made it really hard for me to feel saved. I was doing everything thing that typical college students were doing. I was going to the club, drinking, dressing promiscuous when I went out, cussing, hanging out with the wrong people, not honoring God in my relationships, etc. I hardly went to church. I mean I really did not feel saved. It was easy for me to feel saved when I went back home because I didn't do that type of stuff when I was there and I attended church as well. But in college, it was different. I felt like God was disappointed in me and didn't really like me very much. So that made me really not like myself very much either.

One thing I didn't do was doubt if I was saved or not. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was saved. But many people, who may not feel like they are saved, will start to doubt their salvation and then it becomes a ball of confusion. They may go back into the world, decide to quit church and start living any kind of way and have to face the consequences. Did you know you can have everlasting life but still have to face the consequences (some permanent) for your sins?

SALVATION IS NOT BASED ON HOW YOU FEEL. IT IS BASED ON YOUR FAITH.

Ephesians 2:8 (KJV) says, "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and not of yourselves; it is the gift of God."
So we can't base our salvation on how we feel. Our salvation is based on our faith. It is based on what we believe. This is why it is so hard for people to come to Christ in the first place because they "feel" like they have to be perfect when they come to Christ. Christ wants you as you are. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have done...JESUS WANTS TO SAVE YOU AND GIVE YOU EVERLASTING LIFE.


God loves people so much that He sent His ONLY, BEGOTTEN son to die on the cross for OUR SINS (OUR PAST SINS. OUR FUTURE SINS. OUR PRESENT SINS) so that we could have everlasting life. (John 3:16) Sin was conquered through what Jesus did on the cross. See, we were all destined to go to hell but now we have a chance to gain everlasting life by accepting Jesus into our lives and making Him our personal savior.

During a church service while I was in college, I decided to rededicate my life to Christ and get back on the right road. I graduated in the fall of 2010 and moved back home. Once back home, I attended church regularly and became very active. Did I say I was perfect? No? Ok, just making sure because I wasn't. As of this year, I have been saved for 10 years. Looking back from 2004 until now, it has been a roller coaster ride! Ups, downs, life flipped completely upside down but turned back around. If you only knew my story. Through what I've been through, I decide to start the Princess Tea Purity Ring Ceremony at my church. Never did I imagine that God wanted to use someone like me. I'm like "God, me? After all that I've done. You still want to use me?" It doesn't matter what your past looks like. When God has appointed you to a job, He chose the right person. He isn't looking for you to be equipped. He's looking for you to be obedient. 

We have to stop getting in our feelings when it comes to salvation because our feelings will sway us in different directions just like the wind. Our foundation is God and the truth. Get into His word. Meditate on scriptures about salvation and forgiveness. Ephesians 4:30 says you are sealed unto the day of redemption. Once you have accepted Jesus Christ, you are covered by His blood and your name is written in the lamb's book of life whether you feel it or not. Don't let anyone tell you different. Once saved. Always saved.


Acknowledge. Fix. Keep It Moving...

Stop Checking On Your Ex

     
      

       Have you found yourself creeping on your ex's social media page from time to time? You find yourself going through their pictures and reading their wall trying to find out what they have been up to lately since the break-up. You snoop trying to find out if he/she is dating someone new and if so, are they happy without you? You try to find out where they are living, what they are doing career-wise, are they miserable without you or better yet, did they get saved yet? You try extra hard not to accidently double tap their picture on Instagram on press the like button on Facebook so that they wouldn't know you were creeping. We've all done it. (I did say WE, right?) I'm here to tell you...STOP CHECKING ON YOUR EX....THEY ARE DOING JUST FINE.



      Usually when you are checking on your ex, that means that they are still residing in your head and also in your heart. You are still harboring some type of feelings towards them whether those feelings are good or bad. Sometimes, we can be checking our ex's page wishing bad on them or hoping they are living miserably because you are feeling hurt and bitter from the break up. Maybe you have picked up the phone or sent an inbox message to them just to say hello. Yes, it is an addictive and unhealthy habit that has to be broken in order for you to heal and move forward. But you're asking well, how is this unhealthy? It isn't hurting anybody for me just to look. You're actually hurting yourself. You're letting the highlight realm of their life steal your joy. Your self-esteem is getting lower and lower. You're keep asking yourself, "How is he/she happy without me?" or "What do they see in him/her that they didn't see in me?" "What could I have done better?" You can't dwell on that. There's a reason why you're not in that relationship anymore. God closes doors for a reason.



     So what is causing you to want to keep this habit up. What is the root to it all?
      It all starts with your heart. What you put in your heart, is what comes out of it. 

Proverbs 23:4 (NLT) says "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of life."

By checking your ex's page, you are planting negative seeds in your heart. Because you were hurt by your ex, you are planting seeds of bitterness and unforgiveness. You may see pictures of them with a new significant other and start to plant the seeds of envy and anger in your heart, which causes you to wish evil on their new relationship. See how this works? So it's very important that you be careful of what you allow to enter your heart.

                                                         How to get over this habit

1.)Take a moment and reflect why your relationship didn't work. For me, I found that we were just not on the same path. We were unequally yoked. God said that relationship had to end. Our relationship was not glorifying God. I was idolizing that relationship. I put it over all of my priorities including going to church. After analyzing the relationship, I understood why the relationship was not meant to be and that God needed to shut that door.

2.) What's planted in heart is the reason for why you are checking on your ex. YOU NEED TO HEAL. In order to start a new chapter, you must close this chapter. If you are feeling any hurt or bitterness in your heart, you are going to have to forgive your ex . I'm not saying that it is going to be an overnight process because it is not. It took me 7 years to forgive one of my ex boyfriends. Once I did forgive, I felt a freedom that I've never felt before. I finally felt like I had closure and I didn't even need to talk to him. Pray for God to purge your heart of any unforgiveness, hurt, bitterness, or envy. God has the power to break any chain or any soul tie you may have with an ex (A spiritual bond that is formed by pre-marital sex). God has the power to heal any broken heart.

3.) Another way to guard your heart is to do some cleaning on your social media. Start by deleting your ex from your Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. If that doesn't work and you still find yourself creeping and lurking, you may need to block their page altogether.

4.) Read scriptures that reminds you to put the past behind you and press towards the future.


Your ex is an ex for a reason. Leave them where they are. There's no need to check on them. They are just doing fine.


Acknowledge. Fix. Keep It Moving...

So You're Not Anyone's WCW...

       I've been doing my usual FB and Instagram skim and usually every Wednesday I would see someone post a pic similar to the one above.
For those who aren't hip on this once a week trend glorifying women, WCW stands for Woman Crush Wednesday. It's a really popular trend that started on Instagram rapidly expanded to Facebook and Twitter. Every Wednesday, a guy (or girl) will post a picture of a female, celebrity or not, and usually caption it with a personal message as well as the person's instagram name and hashtag (#wcw). Yes, it seems like a sweet gesture BUT it seems there are some people that become a little down and out that they aren't anyone's so called WCW.


     So with that I ask you...who's your value in? What defines you? Better yet, who defines you?
Are you defined by someone recognizing your beauty? Are you defined by being noticed? Are you defined by the number of followers on your page? Are you defined by the number of likes underneath your picture? Because if you are, I definitely see why you're upset. Your value and worth are put in the wrong thing!




Your worth should not be found in material things or better yet man. You've already set yourself up for disappointment.


Psalm 118:8 (KJV) says, "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man."




     The foundation of your value and worth is Jesus. If He's not your foundation, then I completely understand why this is breaking your confidence. Do you understand who you were created by? You were "uniquely" created by the most high God. He put so much thought into creating you. There's no other person out there like you. That should be enough to lift your spirits right there.




Psalm 139:14 (KJV) says, " I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."



       If we truly understood the love of God, none of these trends would matter. God loves you so much that He sent His son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins so that we would be saved (John 3:16). He grants us grace and mercy when we don't deserve it. We mess up and He still loves us. He provides for us when we are in need. He protects us from danger. He heals us when we are sick. I mean I could go on and on. There is not a time I can recall that God has ever failed me. His track record is on point. God is true to His promises and He will never leave you or forsake you.


We have to switch up our way of thinking. Set your eyes to the heavens.

Colossians 3:2 (KJV) says, "Set your affection on the things above, not on things on earth."
Romans 12:2 (KJV) says, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."



      In other words, get out of your feelings! We are not here to be someone's "WCW" or even care if we are or not. We are here to be about our father's business and that's spreading the gospel, saving lives, and praising The Lord. When this world is passed away, child there will not be an Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

With that being said, we have to understand where our value and worth is anchored in. Your value and worth should be in Jesus Christ. He has made you His WCE "Woman Crush Eternally." He loves you more than you can ever imagine. So stop walking around with your head hanging down because some guy didn't make you his "Woman Crush Wednesday." You have purpose. Know who you are and whose you are. You are a Princess of a King.
Acknowledge. Fix. Keep it moving...

Look On The Bright Side

Sometimes things in life go wrong. We can't control it. But we can control how we handle it. It's all about your perspective.




Perspective is defined as a particular attitude towards or way regarding something; a point of view. Your perspective on a situation has the power to effect the outcome of how you decide to handle it. Will you let it ruin your day or will you "look at the bright side" ?

      I can definitely say my day started off crazy. I was getting ready to go to work. Earlier I had put my work clothes in some water that was sitting in the washing machine. I continue getting dressed and 10 minutes before it's time for me to go, I take my clothes out of the dryer and you will never guess what happened! ALL OF MY WORK CLOTHES WERE BLEACHED AND HAD TURNED A WHOLE DIFFERENT COLOR! I'm talking about ruined. Turns out the water that was sitting in the washing machine had bleach in it. I immediately begin to panic because I didn't have anything to wear to work and I had less than 5 minutes before I had to leave. Thank God I had another pharmacy smock and a blue shirt that wasn't in the washing machine.
       While I was in the car, I spent the ride to work thinking about my perspective on the situation. I said I can either have a pity party and let this situation ruin my day or I can look at the BRIGHT SIDE. Things could have definitely been worse. I had the intentions of putting all of my colored clothes in that water BUT GOD! Instead of me whining over a couple of work shirts that were ruined, what if I had to try to replace the majority of my colored clothes?  A lot of my favorite pieces was in that pile. As I prayed on the way to work, I was very thankful that I had a uniform to wear to work and that none of my other clothes were ruined. Suddenly, my attitude had lifted and my perspective was changed.
        When difficult situations arise, it is a must that you stay POSITIVE. You cannot produce positivity with a negative mindset. A negative mindset will cause you to have a very mean and bitter spirit. When you take that spirit around others, it causes them to not want to be around you. What if I would have taken a negative attitude to work? My pharmacist and co-workers would not want to be around me. I probably would not have been very nice to the customers due to me not wanting to be bothered. That would have definitely dropped our customer service score. Due to that, I would probably have to be written up or coached about my attitude. I probably wouldn't be as focused and would have made a mistake on someone's prescription. You see how this became a chain reaction due to my negative perspective on a situation?
         That's why it's very important to keep a positive mindset at all times. We should spend more time with God. When you spend time with God, life is put into perspective. God gives you the strength to deal with certain situations. He will not put more on you than you can bear. When you feel like you're going to lose your mind or you want to give into that negativity:



Philippians 4:6-7 (KJV) says, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. (7) And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

God will give you peace beyond all understanding! You'll be like "Where is this calm coming from in the mist of my situation or storm?" Send your prayers unto the Lord. Tell him to help you see situations like He sees situations. Ask him to change your perspective about the situations in your life. Ask God to keep your mind and to give you peace.





                                      10 Benefits Of Looking on The Bright Side

1.) Worry less
2.) Balanced stress level
3.) Increased faith in God

4.) You will ooze positivity

5.) Growth and maturity

6.) You come off more loving because of a positive attitude

7.) You smile more

8.) More productive

9.) You show more gratitude

10.) You will live a more happier and peaceful life.


Remember

2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV) "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
Acknowledge. Fix. Keep it Moving...






Send the Past To the Voicemail

From time to time, I would get a text, call, or Facebook message from people who were a part of my past, mostly males. You may ask well “Why do they still have you number?” or “Why haven’t you changed your number?” Honey, I’ve had my number since 2006 so it’s definitely not going to change. I do this thing called “ignoring” or mentally sending you to the voicemail.

In the literal sense, we send people to voicemail because we don’t feel like talking to them or we are not available to talk to them. For example, bill collectors. Nobody wants to talk to bill collectors.  Just leave it on the voicemail.

Everyone has a past. Everyone has associates, ex- friends, ex-boyfriends/ girlfriends, etc. who played a part of their past lives but in the present, don’t associate with these people anymore.  A lot of the people who I don’t associate with anymore are due to that was a part of my life that I’m not in anymore. I’m not that person that I used to be. If I was to still associate with the people I used to hang out with back then, being the person I am now, it wouldn’t benefit my life in any way.

2 Corinth 6:14a (KJV) says, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship have righteousness have with unrighteousness?"

So do you get a “sympathetic feeling” when you get a text or Facebook message from someone in your past and you feel “THE NEED” to respond to this person? Or the “well..I don’t want to be rude so…..” How are you being rude when you cut this relationship or friendship off so long ago? Everybody couldn’t go to where you were going.

Isaiah 43:18-19 (KJV) says, “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. (19) Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

How can we expect God to do something new in our lives if we are still holding on to the things and people of the past? How can we expect Him to bless us with our one day future husband/wife if we are still holding on to ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, randoms, boos, baes, or whatever else you have laying around? You have to let go of the past. You can’t move forward if you are still “reconnecting” with the past.  Clip that connection. God is ready to release his best for your life. You have to focus on what’s ahead of you and reach for it.

Sometimes we need to even send our thoughts about people of our past to voicemail.

2 Corinth 10:5 (KJV) says, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itelf against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of God." 

Why would you constantly think about someone who constantly pressured you to have sex with them? Someone who pushed you towards sin? That's still a connection to the past. That's a thought that goes against the knowledge of God. God said in His word to flee fornication and that your body is a temple (I Corith 18 and I Corith 19-20). Oh but you miss him/her right? Was that relationship glorifying God? Who are you serving? God or them? Send those thoughts to voicemail and let it go.

What we have to understand in life, we have different seasons. Some people will only stick around for a season. Have you noticed that some of the people you hung around back in 2004 are not the same people you have around you now in 2014? Your friends, relationships and acquaintances change due to a change in towns, schools, jobs, churches, etc. Only the people that were meant to stay in your life long term will stick with you through the changes of seasons and circumstances. So understanding this, you can't keep connecting with the ones that "didn't make the cut" for the next season of your life. You can't even feel guilty about it. God puts people in your life where He sees fit. He puts people in your life that are going to build you up and benefit your life. Those are the people that will continually keep making the cut. So stop trying to take people from your past with you. They can't go. Stop responding to the "out of the blue" text messages, calls, Facebook messages, or how ever else they are trying to contact you. So what if they miss you? Let them miss you. Where you are in life now, they can't do anything for you anymore. It's over.  SEND THE PAST STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL BECAUSE THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING NEW TO SAY.

"Sometimes there's a GOOD in goodbye"

Acknowledge. Fix. Keep it Moving. 

Other reference scriptures on letting go of the past

Philippians 3:13-14 (Moving toward the mark of Christ)

2 Corinthians 5:17 (You are a new creature)

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (the strength to let go of the past)

Philippians 4:11 (You're content so you don't need to go backwards)

1 John 1:9 (You are forgiven from your past so leave it be)

No Fear In Love

I hear a lot of people say that they don't believe in love after they've been hurt or "love hurts". I used to be that way too. My faith in love was completely shot. Now mind you, I've never been in love. I can't say that I have in any of my relationships when I look back. It was more of an infatuation feeling. Trust me, when you're in love, you will know it.


The bible talks a lot about love, but the scripture that stood out to me the most was




I John4:18 (KJV), which says, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."




Love is described as "the bond of perfectness" (Colossians 3:14, KJV)


First, you have to be in Jesus to understand love. God showed us the ultimate act of love when He sent His only begotten son to die on the cross for our sins so that we shall be saved. (John 3:16, KJV). God loved us before we even knew it.


"We love Him, because he first loved us" I John 4:19

Now I can't compare my earthly relationships to this act of love but it definitely opened my eyes that I was not in love with the person I was in a relationship with. Talking in the earthly sense, what are some ways that you can tell if someone truly loves or care for you?


It's more than just somebody saying "I love you". It's all about ACTIONS. Their actions have to line up with what they are saying. If not, then they are "testi-lying" honey.




One way that you can tell if  the person you are in a relationship with loves you is if they are pushing you closer to God. Your significant other should care more about your soul than anything. They will hold you accountable, pray for you, bring out the best in you, support you, keep their hands off of you until marriage, respect you....can I say that again? RESPECT YOU.




I didn't get NONE of that from any of the relationships I was in. Just because some buys you something on valentines day or take you to the movies every now and then does not mean it's love. Are they pushing you to sin? Are they constantly putting their hands on you? Are they constantly flirting with other people?  Do they always seem to have a bad temper towards you? Are they calling you out of your name? Do they go to church with you?




So no, I was not in love. It was all infatuation from the "cuteness" of being in a relationship. From receiving gifts. From going on dates. Those relationships weren't producing any fruit towards my future. But don't feel like you've wasted your time. If the relationship you were in didn't bring you what you wanted, it surely taught you what you DON'T want.


We have to stop going by how the world describes love because it is twisted. "He popped me in my eye, but I know it's because he loves me." Whaaaaat? Come on. LOVE IS NOT SUPPOSE TO HURT. Oh wait, here's another one. "If you love me, then you would give me some". "I have to test you out before we can start this relationship" You're not suppose to ever compromise your values to find love either.


I encourage everyone to read I Corinthians 13 also know as the chapter of love. This will give you a very CLEAR understanding of what TRUE LOVE really is.


So the next time you feel as if you will "never love again" or you're scared to love again because of a past relationship, read these scriptures and gain you're faith back. GOD CREATED LOVE. IT NEVER FAILS!
Acknowledge. Fix. Keep it Moving.

Other Scriptures on Love
John 15:13
Colossians 3:14
Proverbs 10:12
I John 4:8